The 10 Rules to Follow to Bring Up a Well-Behaved Child
1. Never give in to your child when he cries or has a tantrum.
For instance, if your child wants more cake, and you say no, and he starts to throw a fit, do not give in and give him more cake. If you do... you are teaching your child to throw a fit whenever he doesn't get his way.
2. Redirect your child's energy towards positive things.
Idle hands are the devil's workshop. If your child has a high level of energy, you should give him activities to do that will enable him to release that energy in a positive way.
3. Teach your child to respect his elders.
Unfortunately in today's world, many children simply do not have that fundamental concept that they must respect adults because they are older than them, and that they must respect their parents because they are their parents. When you tell your child to do something and he asks, "Why?" Tell him, "Because I said so." If your child comes home complaining that his teacher isn't fair, tell him, "You have to respect your teacher, and that's it."
4. Be a role model to your child.
Children learn from seeing what their parents do. If a parent throws tantrums, then that parent is teaching his children to throw tantrums. Etc, etc.
5. Teach your child to be responsible.
If your child spills his cereal, even by mistake, then he must clean it up, not you. If your child forgets his homework, don't go out of the way to drive to his school to bring it to him; if he gets in trouble, this will teach him to be more responsible and remember his homework next time. Remember: If your child doesn't learn to be responsible when he's young... then he won't grow into a responsible adult.
6. Be consistent with your disciplining.
When your child does something wrong, give him a consequence for his behavior, such as a time out. But whatever consequence you decide to give your child for any particular misbehavior, you must give your child that very same consequence every time he commits this misbehavior.
7. Make sure the punishment you give your child is consistent with your child's misbehavior.
When you punish your child, you are sending him a message. Make sure it's a logical message. For instance, if your child hits a sibling, and you send him for a time out, you are giving your child a logical message: "If you're going to hit, then you don't belong together with others." But if your child hits a sibling and you punish him by not giving him dessert after dinner, you are giving an illogical message: "If you're going to hit, you don't get to eat desserts." Say what? Your child is just going to feel resentful and not learn anything for next time.
8. Give a warning before punishing, then follow through.
Remember: You want the punishments you give your child to have an effect on him so that he'll learn to do better next time. If you cause your child to think you're just being mean, then he won't learn anything. When your child misbehaves, tell him he'd better stop it now or he's going to get such-and-such a punishment. Then, if your child doesn't stop, follow through and give him the punishment. He will learn that when you say something, you mean business, and that he has the option of stopping his bad behavior so he won't need to be punished.
9. Don't "take the toy away."
For some reason, when children are fighting over a toy, some parents attempt to resolve the problem by taking the toy away. Apparently, these parents just want peace and quiet and don't want to be bothered to teach their children not to fight with each other. The trick is not for the children not to have their toy; the trick is to have the toy, and not fight over it.
10. Never say, "should have." Instead say, "next time."
For instance, if your child leaves the kitchen a mess and then leaves the house, don't tell your child, "You should have cleaned up after yourself!" That is so counter-productive; all you're doing is guilt-tripping your child. Instead say, "Next time remember to clean up after yourself!" And then, of course, refer to rule 5 and have her clean up the mess now.
For instance, if your child wants more cake, and you say no, and he starts to throw a fit, do not give in and give him more cake. If you do... you are teaching your child to throw a fit whenever he doesn't get his way.
2. Redirect your child's energy towards positive things.
Idle hands are the devil's workshop. If your child has a high level of energy, you should give him activities to do that will enable him to release that energy in a positive way.
3. Teach your child to respect his elders.
Unfortunately in today's world, many children simply do not have that fundamental concept that they must respect adults because they are older than them, and that they must respect their parents because they are their parents. When you tell your child to do something and he asks, "Why?" Tell him, "Because I said so." If your child comes home complaining that his teacher isn't fair, tell him, "You have to respect your teacher, and that's it."
4. Be a role model to your child.
Children learn from seeing what their parents do. If a parent throws tantrums, then that parent is teaching his children to throw tantrums. Etc, etc.
5. Teach your child to be responsible.
If your child spills his cereal, even by mistake, then he must clean it up, not you. If your child forgets his homework, don't go out of the way to drive to his school to bring it to him; if he gets in trouble, this will teach him to be more responsible and remember his homework next time. Remember: If your child doesn't learn to be responsible when he's young... then he won't grow into a responsible adult.
6. Be consistent with your disciplining.
When your child does something wrong, give him a consequence for his behavior, such as a time out. But whatever consequence you decide to give your child for any particular misbehavior, you must give your child that very same consequence every time he commits this misbehavior.
7. Make sure the punishment you give your child is consistent with your child's misbehavior.
When you punish your child, you are sending him a message. Make sure it's a logical message. For instance, if your child hits a sibling, and you send him for a time out, you are giving your child a logical message: "If you're going to hit, then you don't belong together with others." But if your child hits a sibling and you punish him by not giving him dessert after dinner, you are giving an illogical message: "If you're going to hit, you don't get to eat desserts." Say what? Your child is just going to feel resentful and not learn anything for next time.
8. Give a warning before punishing, then follow through.
Remember: You want the punishments you give your child to have an effect on him so that he'll learn to do better next time. If you cause your child to think you're just being mean, then he won't learn anything. When your child misbehaves, tell him he'd better stop it now or he's going to get such-and-such a punishment. Then, if your child doesn't stop, follow through and give him the punishment. He will learn that when you say something, you mean business, and that he has the option of stopping his bad behavior so he won't need to be punished.
9. Don't "take the toy away."
For some reason, when children are fighting over a toy, some parents attempt to resolve the problem by taking the toy away. Apparently, these parents just want peace and quiet and don't want to be bothered to teach their children not to fight with each other. The trick is not for the children not to have their toy; the trick is to have the toy, and not fight over it.
10. Never say, "should have." Instead say, "next time."
For instance, if your child leaves the kitchen a mess and then leaves the house, don't tell your child, "You should have cleaned up after yourself!" That is so counter-productive; all you're doing is guilt-tripping your child. Instead say, "Next time remember to clean up after yourself!" And then, of course, refer to rule 5 and have her clean up the mess now.